• To listen to or watch a podcast, click the "Play Now" button.
• To subscribe to a podcast, click the "Subscribe" button.

Love Doc:

I need help.  Most guys would love to have my problem.  My wife says I can go hang out with the boys all I want and do whatever I want except actually cheat on her.  I can stay out late, I can drink and she'll come get me.  So what's the problem?  I think she is having an affair and with one of my buddies.  He started to not show up at our get togethers when I am there and I see his stuff lying around my house but he's over lot and one of my best friends so he leaves his stuff over all the time, but usually they don't smell like cologne.  I've asked my wife, "What do you do when I go out?" and she is always vague and said oh had one of my girlfriends over.  There are other signs but I don't know what I should do, stay home and or try to catch them.  I don't know I'd handle that but I just want to know.  What should I do?

Love Dr:

I am in love with my best friend's wife...we all use to hang out in a little group but everyone starting pairing off.  My best friend beat me to the punch but he didn't know I was in love with her.  We've all been great friends for 10 years and everyone was happy when they got married, me too but sad for myself.  They've only been married for a year, but lately she has been flirting with me and she almost kissed me the other night in their kitchen but stopped when she thought she hear her husband coming back in from picking up our other friend.

I make sure I'm not alone with her now so I am not tempted but I love her but my best friend is like my brother...but if I can shouldn't I take my shot?  It's eating me up inside...what do I do?

Dear Love Doctor:

Should it be a deal breaker when my gentlemen friend of 4 years makes travel plans to spend his b-day without me?  He made the plans & purchased his ticket last October. I told him about my plans to celebrate his b-day last week and that's when he told me about plans he made 3 months ago!!  Come on, he could have told me sooner and without me having to ask! Deal breaker or no?

Connie, Oakland

I have a friend (male) that is living with a piece of lead, meaning she doesn't contribute to the well-being of my best friend. She brags that he is happy and pays all the bills, but I know for a fact that he is out doing other things if you know what I mean (wink). If a man has suppose to be a good woman @ home why is he in the streets?  Male point of view - please clarify.

Sunshine - Castro Valley

Dear Love Doctor, 

I was with my daughters father for 18 years.  After many years of petty issues I moved forward with another man who is a commitment phobe.  His excuse for the last 9 years was he thought i would go back to my daughters dad.  Last year after not seeing my daughters father for 5 years we reconnected and sparks flew as always.  We became close again but never stopped to think of this person i was with for 9 years nor the woman who bought him a home.  Out of obligation we decided to stick with the people we were with but we are both miserable with our decision. The commitment phobe decided to get it together and wants a serious commitment (possibly because of fear of losing me completely). These are really good people just not the ones for us. Do we break it off with these people or stick with second best?

Kim - Union City

Love Doctor:

I am an single parent raising two kids, and now I am in a relationship for about three months now.  I did tell my boyfriend that my daughter was spoiled only because my kids only really have me to discipline them. Everything was going well, until about two wks ago. And he has now brought to my attention, that its my fault the kids are not behaving and respecting me.  He has stated he wants to pull back but he loves me and wants me to use this time to focus on disciplining my children. Should I continue in this relationship, or should I just leave? I know he wants us to be together, but I feel like I'm on a timeclock, and I am truly not feeling this and the way I feel. Please help.

Tanya - Richmond

Dear Love Doc:

Here's my dilemma,  I met my current live in boyfriend when I was 15 yrs old. We got together when I was 16, he was 19. We were immature, breaking up for no reason. But while we were together, we constantly made plans that were going to be together and start a family. He told me that he never wanted kids or a family until he met me. Stupidly, I believed him. So when we broke up for the last time,I told him I didn't want him back. So what did this ignorant fool do? He slept with a big whale without a condom and blamed it on the weed and alcohol influence and this was a terrible mistake. My question is, should I just stay with him since he is helping  to pay my bills and stop wanting to have a child with him? Or leave him and his alone and struggle by myself alone? I think  he loves me, he did buy my a ring for Christmas but everytime his child comes over we never get along. We don't talk and we always get into it. Please help. 

Confused in San Lorenzo

Dear Love Doctor:

My boyfriend of 3 years, by the way has been unemployed for the last 2 years sits at home all day and calls me at work. I try to encourage him to look for a job but he states there is nothing out there. I am trying to be understanding what do I do?

Nice Girl - Oakland

Dear Love Doctor:

I recently ran into my ex that left me when i was pregnant with his child. He's maried now (filing for divorce) with 3 kids and wants to pick up where we left off. I do love him and do want him back but not sure if it will work. What should I do?

Rita - Oakland

Love Doctor

Or anyone who can help me make since of my significant other who i recently noticed is skipping showers or taking one to two minute showers and to top it off thingks its ok to not use a rag to wash with, just soap and two minute water! And last but not least not brushing his teeth its driving me crazy. Just down right unsanitary! And he has the nerve to blame me for not having a active sex life.Even his kids tells him his breath stinks and for some unknown reason he trys to act like we are jokinjg when we say his breath smells like a dirty diaper, well i know im not! LOVE DOCTOR what can i do to get rid of pig-pin and his yellow teeth and new bad habits?

Kaneesha - Oakland

Dear Love Dr.:

My long-tiime boyfriend finally popped the question and I must say he did it well.  Romantic getaway, on the beach and sunset, he proposed.  I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but he refuses to adopt my two children.

He says he loves them and I know he does, we've been together for over 7 years.  He treats them like they're his own, and the kids real father is out of the picture which I won't get into, but he has never shirked taking care of the kids, and says he wants to have one of our own.

He says it wouldn't be right for him to adopt them but he has always helped me out with money or babysitting whenever I was a little short or needed to run out. Luckily the children are young enough so they won't understand these adult matters, but Love Doctor, I don't know what to do.  I love him but kids are my priority.  Should I marry him anyway and hope that he'll change his mind?

Dear Dr. Love:

I know you have dealt with this before, but I saw my best friends husband at a hotel with his step-daughter, my best friend's daughter from a previous marriage.  The daughter is 27 so she knows better but it would devastate my best friend to learn that her husband who is twice this girl's age is not only cheating but cheating with her daughter. At first,  I thought maybe it's an innocent misunderstanding and I was just juming to conclusions, but my business takes me in the vicinity of the hotel they have been meeting at and while I can't say I'm not completely innocent of spying, he saw me one day and turned so pale he looked like a ghost.  He asked me not to say anything and that he was ending the affair and that if my friend found out it would kill her and that he loves her still.  I don't know what to do.  I feel like she's my friend and I should tell her, but I have no real proof and he could always deny it and I will have lost a dear friend, but what good will it do if I do tell her other than break her heart especially since it's with her daughter.  Knowing this horrilbe secret is killing me. Help me Dr. Love!

Jennifer - in need of advice

Dear Love Doctor:

I'm sick and tired of my boyfriend of 5 years.  We just started to live together and he's a slob, and doesn't help with any of the things around the house.  All he does is invite his friends over and order pizza then leaves the mess for me to clean.   Recently his best friend has been paying attention to me, through no prompting on my part and I have to say I find him quite attractive. When he comes over, he brings either food or wine.  Helps clean up and helps me clean up after the fool and his boys. He actually talks to me and treats me with respect and though he has confessed he is attracted to me, he said he wouldn't be so disrespectful to his friend or me by doing anything inappropriate.  I  am seriously ready to kick my boyfriend out, but these guys work together and I'm concerned that it might cause problems for my potential new guy.   Should I just go for it?

Fed up in San Jose

Dear Love Doc:

I am in the doghouse, as I completely forgot my wife's birthday a few weeks ago. I won't go into details but I did lose my Blackberry which would have reminded me.  She is so angry with me still and we argue about it almost every night. We have only been married 2 years but have been together for 4.  She feels like I don't care enough about her to remember her birthday.  What's worse is for my Birthday she surprised me with a weekend ski trip and all the stuff that I love to do.  I love my wife but what can I do to smooth this over because it's not just about gifts, she thinks I take her for granted? 

George - Oakland

Dear Love Doctor, 

I am in love with a girl in my school.  I have been telling my best friend my feelings about her.  The other day, he told me he has been in love with her too!!!  I can't believe I trusted him with my secret.  Should I keep him as a friend or clip the cord because I can't trust him anymore.  

Francisco

I recently ran into my ex that left me when i was pregnant with his child. He's maried now (filing for divorce) with 3 kids and wants to pick up where we left off. I do love him and do want him back but not sure if it will work. What should I do?

Rita - Oakland

I saw my good friends boyfriend of 10 years  getting out of a car at a bus stop with another woman I thought it was my friend so I waved at them as i was driving by, then realized that it was another woman. He did see me but backed up against the wall with the lady. Should i call my friend and ask why didn't she wave back after I saw you at the bus stop, so that would open the door to whether she new what was going on. Ot may be nothing but he has in the past cheated on her a few times and I hate meddling but if it was me I would want to know.

(A concerned friend)

Why won't he grow up?   My Boyfriend and I have 2 kids and yet all he has are friends that have NO kids and he wants to hang out with them all night and weekends. And to make matters worse his Best Friend is Happy were breaking up He says "Well at least I have my friend back" Everyone says it If he's best Friend wasn't in the picture he would be ready to settle down??? What do I do, Do I stay and put up with him partying everynight or leave and let him and best Friend stay together forever.

Jay - Bay Area

I recently have become involved with a man whom confessed he has has a secret crush on me. The issue is that he has just broken up with his girl friend of a year just as he moved out she announces she is pregnant so there has been drama. We have been seeing each other for about 2 months it is still early I can't really call it a relationship yet but i enjoy being with him but I know the baby mama drama is going to increase once this child is born. She constantly calls has her family calling for anything this is causing a problem for me he seems not to be bothered he says he plans on being a responsbile father. So I think I should bow out gracefuly now before it goes any further but I  really like him, should I run for the hells now and keep it movin?

Tracy - Oakland

My husband of 4 year recently asked me to give up on my dream of becoming a famous singer.  Before we married he was aware of my aspirations.  He has suppported me for the most part up until recently.  He has finally found his nitch and wants me to come on board. I support him 100%, but I refuse to give up on my dream.  It's been a while since I've had any gigs, so he argues that I'm not benefitting the family, though we both work regular jobs as well.  so, should I stand my ground or give in?

I Just Want to Sing - East Bay

I'm married. Is it ok to have friends with benefits? My husband has no intimate feelings towards me.

Stephanie - San Francisco

My boyfriend recently went on vacation. The friend he claimed to go with, called the house looking for him while he was gone.  hmmm.  I keep asking him about the vacation and if he & his friend had a good time.  He keeps perpetuating the lie and conveniently "lost" his camera.  I am fed up.  Should I confront him or just say see ya later?

Jen - East Bay

My husband is a good man, good provider, encourages me in my career, good with the kids, so what's wrong?  Body odor.  They say love conquers all but I don't know what to do any more.  He showers, we've seen doctors but nothing seems to help.  It is almost a deal breaker.  I love my husband very much but when he comes home and hugs me, I am starting to  dread it.  He's fine right after he showers but couple of hours later, I almost need a gas mask.  I don't know what to do any more.  Any advice Love Doctor?

Jenny - Oakland

I've been married for 17 yrs.  The last 2 yrs my spouse goes out with friends (some married/some single) without me and doesn't come home until 3AM-4AM at least 2-3 times a month. My spouse doesn't see this as disrespect to me or the marriage. Is it asking too much to not go out so often and not stay out so late every time??

Finally Fed up in Benicia

Submit your love problem to the Love Doctor. No more than 10 lines please. Listen to the Love Doctor every Monday morning at 7:50am to see if he can help solve your love problem.