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Dear Love Doctor:

My boyfriend cheated on me a  year ago and I still can't get it out of my mind.  We broke up seven months ago but wer are trying to get back together and make it work.  The problem is that I don't know if I can trust him and I think once a cheater always a cheater.  I'm tired of being by myself I get lonely at times.

Terri in Oakland

Dear Love Doctor, 

My Husbands ex-wife still calls him to report problems regarding their two children. The thing is they are both in their TWENTIES. Am I wrong for telling my husband that she has no business calling him? Now please note, if it was an emergency I understand, but not for the normal day to day. His kids can call him and tell him themselves. 

Anonymous in Milpitas

Leaving it up to you Love Doctor

I am a fit, good-looking guy (I never had trouble finding girlfriend's), and I have a decent job.  I'm no loser, but my current girlfriend and I say current even though we are actually engaged suddenly decided she didn't have to keep up her appearance any more since we've gotten engaged.  I love her, but I love her for everything she used to be.  She used to go running with me and we had a lof of fun doing active things, now she's gained 20 pounds and doesn't want to do anything.  I put up with it for a bit now I'm just ready to break it off.  I've tried to talk to her about it and she accuses me of not loving her, the fact that I put up with it this long should show her I love her and willing to put up with her, but she doesn't even try.  If she loved me she should try shouldn't she? All I want her to do is look like the girl I fell in love with, is that too much to ask?

Deal Breaker in Albany

Love Doctor

My husband of 10 years recently admitted to me he sometimes looks at body-building magazines because he finds them somewhat arousing, not the women, the men.  I'm not a prude I get there is a whole lot of ways to get the juices flowing, but he swears he loves women and he loves me and he is a terrific bed partner, but now I monitor when he looks at these magazines and how he behaves afterwards.

I love him but am I just fooking myself.  He's not perfect but we seem to be perfect for each other.  Now I'm doubting everything, even though he assures me I'm his one and only and he told me this only because he loves and trusts me.  Luckily we don't have any kids yet but we had been talking about it before he told me this and now, I just don't know any more.

Should I just trust in him or am I just a fool?

Ashley - Nobody's fool in Oakland

Love Doc:

My wife is PO'd at me big time.  We are about to have our second child, a daughter and we were thinking about names and I said what about Ginger and she said "what made you think of that?" I said I don't know, maybe it was I saw a re-run of that show with a Ginger on it.  My wife said no it sounds like a stripper name, then it hit me.  Yes, Love Doctor I dated a stripper who's name was really Ginger but we didn't go out for very long and I had totally forgotten about her, but I always liked the name.  Well I must have given it away with the look on my face because my wife knew immediately that something was up and after some interrogation she got it out of me.  Now you can say, "I wouldn't have said anything".  Well my wife love her as I do can be relentless, she'd keep me up for two nights if she had to with, "well if you don't tell me then something is up and why should I trust you" and on and on.  So now I'm even more in the doghouse because I wanted to name my daughter after a stripper and an ex. 

She listen's to you all the time and said she would forgive me if you agreed that it doesn't mean I want to be with the stripper, that it was just a name.  Men forget stuff like that all the time but she is really mad at me and I need some help Doc!

PO'd wife in Pittsburgh

Dear Love Dr.

I met this guy and we were all flirty. He's just really sweet and we hit it off when we first met but when we actually went out we had nothing to say. We sat there in silence most of the time,  but had a great "overnight stay".  Now he's calling me constantly and we've "hooked up" a couple of times and I really have fun, and he's always a gentleman but I don't want just the wham bam thank you ma'am.  I want a real relationship, but since I haven't found Mr. Right, should I just go with Mr. Right Now? BTW I'm only 27 so playing the field  isn't bad a bad thing to me, but am I wasting my time when I should be looking for the real deal?  What say you love Doctor?

Ashley in  San Jose

I used to date this guy who was married.  Everything was good.  No commitment, no ties, no strings attached. He is no longer married.   But now I want to really be with him but he's not giving me the time of day.  What should I Do? Should I pursue him or just leave it alone?

Brijhana  -  Concord

Dear Luv DR.:  I have been dating this person for four months now and we both agreed that we ARE NOT COMMITED! to each other at all. so he tells me today that he found somebody that he’s interested in and wants to see what will happen but he also wants me to be coo with it and to put the icing on the cake his best friend who WAS tight with me at one point was the one that introduced them to each other because the women is his best friends cousin. When we first started talking I told him off top that he can explore his options with other people while he’s with me BUT! If he found somebody that, he wants to get to know more don’t expect me to stick around while you’re trying to figure out what you want to do because while you’re out doing you I'm going to do me. Not to mention the woman that he's "exploring" is married with kids and is "well known" in her area. Am I wrong for telling him and his friend to kick rocks?

Angela - Richmond

Dear Love Doctor:

My boyfriend cheated on me a  year ago and I still can't get it out of my mind.  We broke up seven months ago but wer are trying to get back together and make it work.  The problem is that I don't know if I can trust him and I think once a cheater always a cheater.  I'm tired of being by myself I get lonely at times.

Terri - Oakland

Dear Love Dr.:

I over heard my boyfriend of 2 years talking to another girl over the phone. he was asking when can he see her. my heart is broke. do i say something. or do i just act like all is well.  I do love him and he treats my fairly well.  Do I throw away 2 years, or do i try to get over it? Please help!

Shay - Oakland

Dear Love Doctor:

My sister is preparing to marry a guy that she's only known for 1 month.  When she told me abou her plans to marry, she expected me to be happy for her and congratulate her.  Instead I hit her with 20 Questions.  Only to find out she really knows nothing about the man i.e. credit score, baby mama, bad habist, so on and so on.  Come to find out he has not even given my sister an engagement ring.  Now my sister is mad at me for putting her through the 3rd Degree.  Am I wrong (for asking so many questions)?

Dear Love Doctor:

I have been dating this man for over 10yrs.  He is such a wonderful man, a awesome friend, and great person all around.  However, he has never put much effort into his apperance..especially his hair, which is embarassing and has been a sore point over the years. His current hair style looks like a short Jeri curl going bad! Over the years, I've tried to make different suggestions but he refuses to cut his hair, or get a decent style! When we go places, I'm embarassed because of how he looks. My friends and family make comments to me about his apperance. It's to a point now, that I won't invite him to certain events, if my friends and family are around!!! Now, we are talking about planning a wedding, how can we take wedding pictures with him looking like "Wolverine"?? I want my wedding pictures to be more than everybody laughing at how he looks.

Denee - Oakland

Dear Love Doctor:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs. I have 2 children, 18 & 14. He has 3. ages 19,15 & 5.  My delima is my boyfriend wants to move his "19 year old son" in with us, who isnt in school and doesnt WORK. He's VERY LAZY and has NO AMBITION! And to top it off my daughter is graduating HS this June, has a job and will be attending a 4yr university this fall.  I DONT want his son living with us.  How should I handle this?

The Frustrated One in Martinez

Dear Love Doctor:

I have gotten to know one of my children's teachers quite well. I'm not sure if the teacher is being nice or if there is something more.  He has mentioned me in class and has told another parent that he likes to talk to me.  We talk on a regular basis, weekly Conversations always include other topics than my child's progress.  I feel that there is a mutual attraction but I do not know for sure. We have exchanged small gifts.    I wanted to know if it would be ok to ask him out once school is over?   I am not only a parent but a teacher in a neighboring district.  HELP!!!!!

Julianne in SF

Dear Love Dr.:

My best friend recently got engaged and have been dating this man for a little over a year, and I am truly happy for them. But the problem is and I want your honest advice, the situation is that he was previously married for 21 years and his spoused passed away and although he has lived in the home he and his decease spoused lived in they plan on buying a new home to start their lives together, but only one thing he, is not willing to let go of something so creepy to me that I almost can't speak of it. Are you ready for this? He wants her to accept that he will never get rid of the mattress from the bed he and his deceased spouse slept in, Oh my god oh no he didn't do you think this would be a deal breaker?  I just couldn't go through it Love Doctor Help me out I want to know what you & your listeners think. Should i tell her not do it. I told her about Sleep train mattress ... Lord havel mercy .

Rachel - Vallejo

My husband always forgets my birthday.  I put it in his calendar, he gets alerts, he says "Oh yah your birthday is coming up" etc., but comes the day and nothing, nada, zip.  He tells me I get you nice valentine's day, Christmas and anniversary gifts so don't worry about it.  He does give me nice things during the year but I just don't understand this mental block about my birthday.  I told him this year he better remember or we're going to have a serious problem.  Since we've been married (10 yrs) he's only actually given me a gift on my birthday the first year we were married.  Last year he got his alert on his phone and when he came home I didn't even get a card.  He said he got swamped at work and I should understand that and I said you should plan ahead, but he says I'm being silly. I'm not asking for anything but a simple acknowledgment, even a card would be something at least.   I'm not planning to leave him but I will drag him to counseling if he doesn't get his act togther.

Forgotten in Fremont

Dear Love Doctor:

Give me the male perspective on this:  Why do men stare at other women even when they are with their girlfriends or wives? I know women look too, and I don't want to hear "because their men".  I don' t mind if my husband looks, but sometimes it is embarassing the way he looks, if he did it slyly, I'd still know but at least he was being respectful enough to try not to be obvious, or on the flipside, what do you men think when you look at a woman that way, that she's just going to jump in your lap?  Unless you're fine as hell that wouldn't even be a thought in my mind, you're just being a creep and while I'm at it, tell your young men, your under 30s out there grabbing your crotch in public is not a turn on for anybody.  Btw my husband I do argue about this sometimes but he knows when he's been disrespectful and he also knows I cook his dinner.

Don't embarass me  - Pleasanton

Don't hate on me but I am seeing my best friends girl -  I know it's terrible and I feel terrible. He's been like a brother to me but I have to say I've never been with a girl like this girl before and she wants to be with me.  I don't know how to break it to him and she doesn't either.  We're all decent people and we both feel terrible cuz we do care about my buddy we just fell in love at the wrong time.  She thinks she should tell him, but I think I have to be a man and come clean how do I do it?  I wish we could stay friends, I grew up with him, but I don't think there's any way to make it work out.  Any advice you can give me would help...thanks Love Doc.

Fred

Love Doc:

My girlfriend is crazy, but I still want to marry her.  How do I get her to stop bringing up the past?  We've been together a long time and just when I was about to finally ask her to marry me we get into an arguement and she starts bringing up stuff from 5 years ago.  She can't let it go.  Ok I didn't technically cheat on her it was when we first started dating and I was seeing her and two other women but she thought we were already exclusive, but I've been faithful to her ever since we moved in together 3 years ago.  So then she starts bringing up all kinds of other mess that I don't even remember.  I don't want to be with anyone else, but it does make me think twice about spending the rest of life with her.  What do I need to do to get her to realize she needs to move on if we are going to make it work.

Shawn

Dear Love Dr.

Am I being unrealistic?  My friends set me up on a blind-date with this nice guy.  He's not bad looking and he is fun.  We've been dating a couple of months and he's starting to introduce me to friends and planning some weekend trips.  I like hanging with him but there's just no spark especially in the bedroom.  He's sorry to say "filler" -more like friends with benefits.  I am still dating other men and he knows it but thinks I'll come around.  My friends think I'm crazy for not snatching him up and they say I'm all he talks about.  Is it wrong of me to string him along?  Don't I deserve the relationship I want?  I don't need Prince Charming but I need to feel it.

Janet in Lafayette

Dear Love Dr. :

I am 37yrs old, own my own hm/car, have an advaced degree and 0 kids. I have a partner whom I love & adore, he spends tremdous amount of time with me, buy me whatever i wants, makes me laugh/smile/happy. we've been together for 7yrs.I told him I want an engagement ring for xmas.so here's my question should I stay or go if i do not not receive it. im not getting any younger and i want a family. signed way too old for a boyfriend.(Kimmie)

All I've ever wanted to do is sing and marry a man that shares my faith and either plays music or sing.  I have been dating this man who is kind and warm, and has his own business, he really cares about me but doesn't share my faith and doesn't enjoy music.  I recently started dating a man at my church who believes in my faith with the fervor that I do and also plays guitar and sings, sounds like a perfect match but he is a recovering drug addict, doesn't have job and is living off the church by doing odd jobs for them. He says he's through  with drugs and wants me to live with him.

Sounds like a no brainer but guy number 1 sometimes ridicules my church and says I go too much, but he's a really good guy. Guy number 2 is a is clean now but  I have my reservations, he can't support himself let alone me.  I work and pay my own way, but it's nice to know you have someone who's got your back.

I like them both, and nobody's perfect, but I don't know what to do.

Dear Love Doctor:

I recently reunited with the love of my life. Long story but we met, fell in love, and I ended up going overseas to work.  Well call it providence, we met up again and everything is great, except she had a child while I was away and I think he's mine, everyone says he looks like me, but while we were apart she had married one of my school buddies and had a child.  But I know he's mine, the timing the way the baby looks some of his mannerisms are all like me.  I don't want a Maury moment, but I want get a paternity test, and she is refusing.  She says her ex is the only father her baby has known and they love each other and she says she doesn't want to take that away from them.  I don't want to do that but if he's my child, and we are getting back together, I am going to be in his life anyway and we all should know.  What say you love doc?

David in Union City

Love Doctor:

I am getting married in a few months and my fiance and I are having an arguement that is escalating and I'm afraid we might just call it off.  This may sound silly by today's standards but  I am very traditional and so is my family.  My husband's best friend is his cousin and happens to be a woman.  They  grew up together and are like brother and sister.  He wants her to be his "best man" or best person whatever they call it nowadays and to stand next to him at the altar.  I on the other hand feel she should stand with the brides party and so we can have it match up with the escort and the pictures and my family is up in arms about it especially since my parents are paying for half of the wedding.

I know how much she means to him, she was often like a surrogate mother to him as she is a little older and his mom use to work a lot and as a single parent often left him in her care.  We have not stopped the wedding at this point but he is really adamant about it and so are my parents. I don't want this to be the "deal breaker" but I don't want to start my life with him on the wrong foot either.  I'm not so traditional, that I wouldn't compromise on this point, but my parents are and to be honest, I just don't like the way it would look in photos and such, but I could live with it just to keep the peace with my fiance, but then my sister said, "it's your wedding too girl, you should get a vote".  I don't know what to do

Please please help me Love Doctor, I want to marry this man, but I want my parents to be happy too.

Going Crazy in Concord

Dear Love Doctor:

Let me just say I love my wife - that's not the problem.  The problem is she doesn't know how to discipline her son from her first marriage and we fight about it all the time.  The kid lives with us 6 months out of the year. He's 15, a slob and acts like he owns my house.  He is sometimes disrespectful to his mother and me but she feels guilty about how he's being raised and shuffled between families so she overindulges him.  When I put my foot down and we have actually gotten him back track or  where at least he's tolerable then he goes back to his dad and is worse the next time he comes to stay.  When he isn't being a brat, he's not a bad kid, he does well in school, but knows he can take advantage of his mom.  I can't step in too much only because then I become the evil step dad and I get the "you're not my father" crap.   I want my wife to be more assertive but she's afraid she'll put a wedge between them.  We are expecting a baby and I do not want his bad habits, influencing the baby.  I'm trying not to stress my wife out but we need to establish new rules with the baby coming and my wife has to back me up or he will just ignore them.

Any answers?

Richard in Emeryville

Dear Love Dr.:

Is it me?  I have a good job, I own my own house/car, I am good to my Mom but I'm not a mama's boy.   I may not be model good-looking but I'm ok and I work out regularly.  I'm ready to settle down, but I cannot find a woman that is drama free.  I start dating a woman I think could be "the one" and next thing I know she wants to know "where is this relationship going?"  I want to build a life-long relationship with someone and that doesn't mean just because we've been dating a few months that I want to marry you.  I am very respectful, and try to be upfront about what I am looking for in a relationship.  My male friends tell me I'm too serious, just have fun and you'll know when you meet her and my female friends say I'm great and are always trying to set me up.  I just want to find someone fun, but who gets down to business when she has to, is fit, intelligent and who would be a great role model for our kids. 

My second dilema is I'm starting to find one of my female friends really attractive and all the things I hope to find in a wife, but she thinks of me as the dreaded "brother". I did try to take her out and tell her how I've been feeling, and she laughed.  I played it off but I'd really like to see if we can have something, we already like each other.  Help me out Love Doc.

Kevin - Antioch

Love Doctor:

"Why aren't you married yet"?  I get asked that all the time and all I want to say to these people is "why be miserable?" I don't say that but I find it insulting that people think my happiness depends on being married.  I am relatively successful, still a fit 34 and people tell me I look great, have a great personality, and ask me why I haven't found the right guy to marry yet.  I don't know  why it's anyone's business.  I date a couple of nice men, but I don't want anything serious because I like being free and not answering to anyone or being on someone else's schedule and I don't want kids. The men I date regularly like it because they don't have any fear that I want or need a commitment and we have a great time.  Does it ever occur to people that I don't want to be married?  I've had a couple of proposals, but none from men I would ever consider husband material.  I have fun, but I'm super independent and quite fulfilled.  How do I politely suggest these people mind their own business and leave me to my fun?

Marcia - Pleasanton

Dear Love Doctor:

I've had it with my husband.  I have been sick with the flu for two days, but during this time, I have had to wash the clothes, feed the dog, call all the Mom's in my car pool so all the kids I drive make it to school, still telecommute for my job (yes a high pressure job), cook dinner for the kids and various other household chores that pop up.  When my husband is ill, I have to take care of him like he's one of the children, practically have to wipe his nose for him, and his constant whining is unbelievable. 

All I want is to have a little peace and quiet, some hot tea and I'll be fine in a day or two, but I'm so tired, I can't even get to sleep.  Is it too much to ask that my husband, who tells me I'm the love of his life, to step up even a little so I can get some rest?

Help me I need a Doctor!

Sick & Tired in Santa Clara

Dear Love Doctor,

I am celebrating a milestone birthday next year and want to go somewhere exciting with my husband (like Hawaii) but he has a big family reunion planned in Iowa and wants the whole family to go there instead. We can't afford both. What should I do?

Disappointed in Daly City

Dear Love Doctor,

I have a freind and we have been friends for as long as i can remember. I told but i was going to ask out this girl to dinner soon. Then my friend tells me that he has been liking her for quite some time now. Do i forget about it or move on or should i just "cut the ties" with him and end the friendship. 

Francisco

Submit your love problem to the Love Doctor. No more than 10 lines please. Listen to the Love Doctor every Monday morning at 7:50am to see if he can help solve your love problem.